I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
