the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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