So drunk its hurt
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
