he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
