I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened