dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
