Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis

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  (631): guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis http://tfl.nu/a1d7
  Replies (22) Good night (998) Bad night (3205)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."

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  (804): I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock." http://tfl.nu/9z32
  Replies (20) Good night (4614) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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  (940): and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/usna
  Replies (12) Good night (2604) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

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  (765): how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/c7jp
  Replies (48) Good night (870) Bad night (6273)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.

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  (469): Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way. http://tfl.nu/w8yo
  Replies (23) Good night (1015) Bad night (5442)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT

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  (703): THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT http://tfl.nu/gmdd
  Replies (6) Good night (2910) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........

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  (207): Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010"......... http://tfl.nu/3k58
  Replies (7) Good night (879) Bad night (2805)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.

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  (708): Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night. http://tfl.nu/vsww
  Replies (11) Good night (623) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I don't deserve a penis

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  (718): I don't deserve a penis http://tfl.nu/gla8
  Replies (6) Good night (521) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5

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  (605): Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5 http://tfl.nu/9kam
  Replies (3) Good night (1214) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.

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  (585): Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend. http://tfl.nu/49qc
  Replies (8) Good night (1137) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.

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  (774): One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it. http://tfl.nu/38tv
  Replies (1) Good night (854) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!

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  (612): He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants! http://tfl.nu/fscl
  Replies (7) Good night (753) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.

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  (318): Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/6de1
  Replies (1) Good night (782) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!

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  (617): I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin! http://tfl.nu/nomz
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (367)

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