The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
