grandma shit on top of the toilet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.