3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You work out of a Hotel?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.