Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Randomize
Follow @tfln