matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
R you on birth control?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me