so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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