when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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