You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My room smells like vodka and shame
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
