Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
