My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
