just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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