Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We are two peas in an std pod
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
