then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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