I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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