one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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