I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am one with the molecules
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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