she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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