You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
