sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So vagazzling was a success
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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