We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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