i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
His nipple licking is glorious
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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