I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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