The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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