look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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