The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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