hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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