Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
