She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
