My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
