I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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