Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
