I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
