he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
