How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
