just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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