Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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