I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
