i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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