he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
