remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
