oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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