I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
