I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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