She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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