cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
