yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
