is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
