dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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