Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
