also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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