Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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