Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
