I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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