the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
