so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
