he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize