the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
