Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
