At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
