Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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