Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
