Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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