Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm too high and old for this...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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