she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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