Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
