She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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