Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
