we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
