People in love make me want to vomit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
