Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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