The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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