I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
