There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
