I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
