didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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