The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
