pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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