I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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