I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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