Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
