Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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