it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
