i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
