My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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