I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
