If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i wish my penis had a tongue
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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