Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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