Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
